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2,4,6,8. What do we appreciate?

March 25, 2009

Yesterday was one of those days when my thoughts appeared to be possessed by some low-vibration entity, and I could find only negative. Ever have days like that? It was quite unpleasant!

After emoting all over people that didn’t deserve to be privy to my negative thoughts, I was fortunate enough to talk to a friend who reminded me that I could look at my past and change my perception of it. She reminded me how important it is to appreciate all that has happened in my life, which has brought me to where I am now, and in turn, where I am headed.

Reaching for the sun

Reaching for the sun

What a tremendous gift she gave me, as I shifted out of my bad mood into a realization of how very fortunate I am for the life I am living.

I woke up this morning with a strong realization of the source of a sense of unhappiness and discontent that I have carried for as long as I can remember. I realized that it started when my family moved from my grandmother’s house into our own little house not too far away. I was the first-born and my mother was pregnant with my brother. I was only two years old.

Well, it was a traumatic year for me. We had moved away from the only home I had known, and from my maternal grandmother, my Nana, who was the world to me. Mom was thinking of many other things besides me, and at one point, she even failed to see me, and tripped over me, spraining her ankle and having to be on crutches as she carried my soon-to-be-born brother in her womb. I was in the way.

In some subconscious place inside of me, I felt totally bereft. I had lost my Nana. My mother was too busy to be bothered with me, and then my brother was born, and I was further left to cope on my own. My father was always either working or worrying about money, and I felt alone and deserted.

All of these years, I did not remember all of this. Only yesterday, my friend reminded me that I could reframe my experiences, and this was the one I recalled. I thought about all of the many times in my life that I had relived this experience; all of the times when I felt I had been deserted and left on my own to cope, all of the times I was in the way, all of the times when I didn’t matter.

Suddenly, I realized that these experiences had given me the gift of myself. From a very young age, I learned that I couldn’t always count on others. From a very young age, I learned to be self-reliant. From a very young age, I learned to look to myself for strength in the face of adversity.

In that moment, I appreciated the experiences that have brought me to who I am today, and I felt a chain reaction as I forgave all of those who appeared to have abandoned me over the years.

Today, I am appreciative of the journey of my life, and I know that I wouldn’t trade a single experience for the gift of who I am in this moment. I know that my journey is far from over, and I have many wonderful adventures ahead of me.

But most of all, I know that in appreciating all that has been, and that which is in my life now, I will create a better future for myself.

I am grateful that I am so blessed.

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